The Copy-Paste Trauma Email (Issue #13)
Tragedy arrives with depressing regularity, but don’t worry, “we’ll donate to blah blah blah, and take some time off if we need it.”
Not gonna lie, feeling a lot of futility lately. The basic autonomy of women—and people of all genders with a uterus—is now a thing of the past thanks to the Supreme Court. And Clarence Thomas has openly said that birth control, gay marriage, and even gay relationships will be next. If you’re not scared, angry, or both it might be a good time to evaluate that. And that’s the same week that SCOTUS took a look at all those dead children in Texas, heard all the pleas for gun control, and said, yeah how about MOAR GUNS.
And speaking of futility, you’ve probably received one of those all-company emails from your executive comms department at some point. Maybe it goes something like, “In light of the latest horrible shit that’s happened, we’re offering up to three months of free access to the “Mental Health Hooray” app. And we are donating $178 to the Red Cross. OK? We good? Back to work, everybody.”
Sure, companies are in an unenviable position. What can they possibly say that will be adequate to the situation? On the other hand, damn those emails are starting to grate on your Grinch. And I’m trying to figure out why. It’s not like this is the most burning issue right now.
I think part of it is that when unfathomable tragedy happens, especially gun violence, we feel trapped in an infinitely repeating cycle. So having the same reaction every time feels like part of the problem. Why even bother copying and pasting the same phrases from the last email into the latest one? It feels so pointless. Like a trauma rooster crowing meaninglessly at regular intervals. Shit is too dire for that anymore.
The personal equivalent of the trauma mail
I heap a lot of scorn on companies. But only because they suck and deserve it. But!!! I will grant them this: Communications are hard. I got the name for this newsletter because I was always THAT GUY, the one poking holes in everything and pointing out the gaping flaws in most corporate “inclusion and diversity” communications. Finally, a co-worker said, “Damn, what are you, some kind of Diversity Grinch?” To which I said, “Yes, yes I am.”
But it turns out that saying any ol’ shit that pops into your head is not always productive or inspirational. Who knew?? So I’m working on that. I’m trying to figure out how to talk about difficult, sensitive, important shit in a way that doesn’t shut down the conversation or fill the air with clichés, but inspires real-life change.
Inspiration through transparency
Being transparent about your own struggles and limitations is the key.
Say you’re talking to someone about trans rights and they ask you a question in that tone—you know, the one that shows they think the whole “pronouns thing” is a bit outlandish and silly. You don’t have to be ready with a perfectly formed, debate-ready retort.
Instead, try saying something like, “I don’t have an answer on that, but I’ve realized I don’t have to know everything about trans people in order to feel solidarity with them. If you really want an answer to your question, why don’t we look into it together? There are tons of resources for us allies.”
That kind of answer:
Relieves you of the obligation to be a walking Wikipedia of equity
Shows that you assume goodwill on the part of the questioner
Gives you the opportunity to learn something yourself
Models the humility and curiosity you want like to see in others
(Of course, none of this applies to people determined to be irredeemable pieces of shit, engaging with whom will only waste your time and drain your spirit.)
When all’s said and done, there are very few things more inspiring than vulnerability. Vulnerability allows us to navigate difficult emotions that build stronger relationships. Vulnerability is why that new Kendrick Lamar album is so damn fire! Brene Brown, though she gives me “Karen” vibes for some reason (maybe the haircut), breaks down how we can’t selectively numb our emotions. When you numb or avoid emotions like vulnerability you also numb other reactions, like responsibility.
Toward a higher consciousness
By contrast, the corporate copy-paste trauma-email tends to be an expression of guilt that lacks the vulnerability necessary to inspire change. Although often confused, guilt and responsibility are not the same things. Persistent tragedies teach us that guilt is not a sustainable driver or catalyst for action. We saw what guilt did for the Black tech ecosystem on the heels of “America’s great racial reckoning.” Black startups got a record amount of funding in 2021 as leaders felt pressure to do something, while never engaging in real introspection about their part in upholding the racist status quo. So when trends shifted and new tragedies arose, we reverted back to the usual shit-levels of investment in Black innovation.
The responsibility of a business has long been understood to be serving and generating profit for shareholders. But in 2019, 181 CEOs representing The Business Roundtable, AKA the Illuminati (kidding! probably!), revised their “Statement on the Purpose of a Corporation,” expanding their responsibility to all stakeholders—including customers, employees, suppliers, and local communities—and not just shareholders.
So now that even the Illuminati agrees that the pursuit of profits at all costs is not good for society as a whole, how does a company meet the needs of those it’s been neglecting for so long?
The first priority of business leaders should be focused on elevating the consciousness of their employees and colleagues. Consciousness is defined as our awareness and understanding of our inner and outer existence. Fred Kofman, the author of Conscious Business, believes an environment that inspires elevated consciousness encourages employees to “investigate the world with rigorous scientific reasoning, and reflect on their role in it with equally rigorous moral reasoning.” The elevation of consciousness is the surest path to transforming guilt into the kind of vulnerability and responsibility that brings change.
Defaulting to guilt
It's easy for those trauma-emails to default us back into guilt, and do nothing but remind your employees how sad the tragedy is (yeah, we got that part). It’s a lot harder to foster responsibility and a connection to the company’s mission that leads to action. Like, if one of your company values is “Do what is right, always,” what the fuck are you going to do that “is right?”
The piece that is always missing from those emails is what part of this problem is ours to solve? Instead, we get the usual guilt-driven need to appear to do something, anything: “We'll donate, take time off if you need it, copy-paste, copy-paste from the last email.”
Guilt requires little to no reflection. In fact, it actively stifles reflection by replacing it with feelings. Useless feelings that lead to nothing. This is true even of my favorite guilt, white guilt. Since going vegan, I’ve had to stop using White Tears™ as milk for my cereal and switch to Oatly. Which isn’t as satisfying, but that’s a story for another Grinch.