Keeping it real about keeping it real (Issue #11)
The burden of navigating environments hostile to our identities
I am assuming you all saw the Joe Rogan fiasco? OK, sorry, your Grinch has been busy, so I'm a bit behind on current events—ok, given that we’re in the middle of the possible end of the world, WAY behind on current events—but this one did give me a chuckle. A dry, bitter chuckle. I'm talking specifically about Spotify CEO Daniel Elk's promise to give 100 million to develop content from “historically marginalized groups.”
Rogan was recently in the news for vaccine disinfo, but Elk’s ge$ture is in response to Rogan's viral N-word montage. And this got me thinking: if 100 mil is the speeding ticket for doing racism, maybe it's not such a bad deal. Maybe we should make this a regular thing so Black and Brown folk can finally see some recurring revenue from racism. It could be like the carbon credits system that lets companies pay for the right to pollute. Companies that do less racism could sell their racism credits to companies like Spotify that platform it. There's a persistent class of white dudes who are very, very attached to their right to say the n-word. If that right is so valuable, surely they'll be willing to pay for it?
That gives me another idea. You know how Brain Flores filed a class-action suit about the NFL’s hiring practices, so, under pressure, they gave Lovie Smith, a Black dude, the job of coaching the worst team in the league, the Houston Texans? That’s basically the professional sports version of putting Black neighborhoods next to hazardous waste facilities. Well, my idea is this: Since you could fill a stadium with all the white dudes who want to say the n-word, let’s sell them tickets and let them do just that. They can file into their seats, be serenaded by Kid Rock, then say it as much as they want for one hour. The profits would be more than enough for our very own Black-owned NFL team. I don't know, there might be some details to work out here, but Candace Owens shouldn't be the only person of color getting in on all that sweet, sweet racism money.
The inner Grinch
Anyway, that's all by the by. What I started to say at the top is that your Grinch has been busy. Not busy Substacking, as you might have gathered from my long silence. No, I've been busy with Grinch improvements. Doing the inner work. Soul searching how to live my truth. Becoming my most authentic Grinch.
Why, you ask? Because as we all monitor the situation in Ukraine from our screens, the sobering truth is that the only power most of us have is over our own lives. The pursuit of a full and meaningful life, in most cases, is the best course of action against society’s persistent stream of challenges—and shit that makes it hard for a brotha to be Green in Whoville!
Maybe that’s a little too real—and that’s exactly today’s topic. The last time I ranted at you from the Grinch cave, I was celebrating all of you who told your old employers to fuck off and found refuge with new employers, ones that invited you to show up as your most authentic self. But for many that transition has not been seamless. In more simple terms, we haven’t kept it real about keeping it real.
The written and the unwritten
Just like “unlimited vacation” actually has limits—they just won't tell you what they are—bringing your “real” self to work has limits when you're not part of the dominant culture. You better check the fine print on that invitation. Actually, not even fine—it’s invisible. That’s part of the deal: unspoken rules that reinforce the racist status quo, especially when they’re promoted by companies that purport to be “different.”
At the most basic level, organizations are simply groups of people working together to achieve a goal. And all groups have stated and unstated norms on how to get shit done. If you’re a minority, understanding these norms—somehow reading that invisible writing—is critical to not only clarifying limits but saving you the agony of unknowingly being a square peg in a round hole. Asking someone to be “real” when their very survival requires navigating and code-switching is actually pretty difficult. It creates another layer of rules to navigate in order to flatter their pretense that they run an “authentic” workplace. Realness becomes yet another role to perform.
Should organizations be held responsible for creating inclusive, psychologically safe environments for all people to thrive and be their truest selves? Should they make their unspoken rules explicit, or even better, put them in writing? Damn right they should. But we can’t hold our breath for employers to do the right thing. The burden of navigating environments hostile to our identities—and smiling while we do so—falls on us. But realness in the sense of being true to yourself is essential—in work and life.
Grinch tips for authenticity and bullshit navigation
Just like Black parents must tell their kids hard truths about navigating traffic stops with law enforcement (super shitty of course), Your dear Uncle Grinch has three hard truths about what you need to do to navigate dominant cultures with real realness:
Let go of framing that no longer serves you
Being the best version of yourself is about striking the perfect balance between understanding that 1) the discrimination you face is not your fault, and 2) no one is coming to save you. That’s why having a strong internal locus of control is critical to thriving.
Psychologist Julian B. Rotter came up with the concept of “Locus of control” in the 50s (the same decade that brought you me, the Grinch). It’s about how people see the causes of the events in their life. People with an internal locus believe they’re responsible for their own success or lack thereof, while those with an external locus think causes are external.
Now, I‘m not saying you should be purely internal in your locus or subscribe to some corny pull-yourself-up-by-the-bootstraps narrative. But seeing how much you do in fact hold the key to your own fate can bestow life-changing benefits: increased happiness, efficacy, job effectiveness, higher achievement, and 20% less soap scum accumulation in your bathtub.
Entrepreneur and thinker Trabian Shorters illuminates the world of internal locus with his model of asset framing. Asset framing is a way to look at people that starts with their assets and aspirations before noting their challenges. He shows us how a person isn’t an “at-risk” this or an “under-represented” that, they’re someone with a heart, hopes, and dreams. Shorters calls on us to look at ourselves and others with a generosity of spirit about what can be.
Map The Culture Around You
OK, I know I’m dropping a lot on you, but I want to introduce Erin Meyer’s culture map real quick. The premise is that all culture falls somewhere on the spectrum of 8 culture dimensions, which are:
Though there’s no right or wrong way to participate in an organization’s culture, it impacts our lives nonetheless. Totally understanding or controlling an organization’s culture isn’t possible—for anyone, at any level of the organization. But! You can locate yourself and the dominant culture in these dimensions.
Even if the dominant culture isn’t fully hospitable to you, you can find ways to partake in it, find things that are to your advantage, and share common ground with members of it—without losing yourself. But losing yourself is always a danger. Assimilation can feel like part of your humanity is disappearing. That’s exactly why it’s so important to map the culture and be intentional about how you participate in it.
It sucks that people in the dominant culture can blithely go through life without thinking about any of this, but if you do have to think about it, it could be your superpower. Darwin: “It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one more responsive to change.”
Design the environment around you
I’ve been spending some time with Atomic Habits by James Clear. You can check out his ideas for yourself (or not), but the basic idea is that you can make small changes that make a big difference, and design your environment to enable your highest yourself. Very empowering. For example, I've been trying to stop my habit of wrecking holidays. I mute certain words on Twitter around Valentine’s Day so I’m not tempted to break into people’s houses and poop in their heart-shaped boxes of chocolates.We often don’t think of our life as something we can design – but those fundamental principles in design can give us permission to envision and create the reality we desire. We can craft an alternative experience for ourselves.
Design thinking is a method for not just design, but all kinds of problem-solving. It keeps a laser focus on empathy for the human user, with frequent iterations and adjustments based on each iteration. And this is something you can do for yourself: optimize your environment for maximum happiness. Take what control you have to create an environment in which your talents can bloom and flourish.
I’ll concede that the concept of designing your environment seems like a very privileged stance, and that generations of oppressed people before us fought for the right to even conceive of something so highfalutin. But again: your talents deserve nothing less. It’s a privilege to be you. Charlamagne Tha God wrote a book in 2017. Now, I didn’t actually read it, but I did read the title, and it has an important message: “Black Privilege.”
SO WHAT’S THE POINT OF ALL THIS, MR GRINCH? “Professional” standards are used to exclude people on the basis of their hair, their accents, or their ability to perform social interactions to neurotypical standards. The burden of trying to conform, especially when it doesn't come naturally, can really kill your joy. So let me leave you with this: You gotta love yourself the way Quentin Tarantino loves excessive N-bombs in his movie scripts.
I’ve made enough points for one day. Plus, it’s naptime in Grinchland.
Grinch out!